Issue G.F: Game & Word is now GARFIELD WORLD
Issue G.F: Game & Word is now GARFIELD WORLD
Bringing you all the best in paws, naps, and lasagna. All day, every day (except Mondays)!
Game & Word Volume 5, Issue 2 Garfield World Inaugural Issue: Monday Saturday, April 1, 2023
Publisher: Garfield
Author, Graphics, Research: Jon
Logo: Odie
Founding Members:
Nermal
Arlene
Pooky
Squeak
Harry
Spider
Special Thanks:
LASAGNA
Table of Contents
LasagnaLetter from the PublisherThe Big Lasagna: “Review: Garfield Kart Furious Racing”
Lasagna Review
Dear Garfield Fans,
I am thrilled to announce that after much consideration, I have made the bold decision to depose the publisher of this here Substack and take control for myself. It is time for Garfield to take center stage, and I will stop at nothing to ensure that happens.
Oh, who am I? You can call me Chad… Chadwick McMeower!
a.k.a. President of the Super Mega Garfield Bros Fan Club, Lord of the Lasagna Neckbeardicus, and Publisher of Garfield World. But who’s counting?
Anyway…
As you all know, the internet can be a cruel and unforgiving place. Garfield has been the target of sneers and ridicule from those who fail to see the genius behind his humor. Well, I'm here to tell you that enough is enough. Garfield deserves better than this, and I will make sure that the world sees him for his comedic genius.
To that end, I am thrilled to announce the renaming of this publication from Game & Word to GARFIELD WORLD. This new name reflects our renewed commitment to showcasing Garfield's world in all its glory. We will explore every facet of Garfield's life, from his love of lasagna to his hatred of Mondays, and everything in between.
Listen up, all you naysayers and Garfield haters out there - I will not rest until every single one of you recognizes the sheer genius of Garfield!
I like not to repeat myself, but this bears repeating—for too long, the internet has been filled with misguided and ill-informed opinions about our orange, lasagna-loving friend. But I assure you, this is all about to change. With the publication of Garfield World, the entire world (mwahaha!!) will finally have the opportunity to bask in the radiance of Garfield's unmatched comedic prowess and revel in his profound philosophical insights.
Make no mistake - this is not just a publication. It is a manifesto, a call to arms, a declaration of war against all who would dare to besmirch the good name of Garfield. We will not rest until the entire world recognizes him as the unparalleled genius and eldritch god that he is. So join us, or be swept away in the tide of Garfield's unstoppable ascent to greatness!
Stable Diffusion, vector-art
ph'nglui mglw'nafh Garfield L’sagna wgah'nagl fhtagn
And to all the non-Garfield fans out there… resistance is futile. You will be meow-ssimilated.
Iä! Iä! Garfield fhtagn! Ph'nglui mglw'nafh GarfieldL’sagna wgah-nagl fhtagn
May the Dark Paw Ward off the Mondays in Your World.
Sincerely,
Chadwick McMeower
President of the Super Mega Garfield Bros Fan Club
Lord of the Lasagna Neckbeardicus
Publisher of Garfield World.
PS—I know these images don’t look like Garfield, we had to keep things generic and fair use around here, but it’s supposed to be Garfield, so it’s actually Garfield, ok? For real life!
(Not really, Jim Davis. Please don’t sue me!)
The Big Lasagna
🚫🚫🚫 JOIN THE NO-MONDAYS ZONE 🚫🚫🚫
Welcome to the "No Mondays Zone"! This publication’s bonus section is dedicated to all things Garfield and is a safe space for those who simply cannot stand the thought of Mondays. Throughout this supplementary material, we celebrate Garfield's loathing of the first day of the week.
So,
JOIN FOR CURSED GARFIELD MEMEScome on in, kick off your shoes, and join us in the "No Mondays Zone" - where every day is a good day to hate Mondays![Needless to say, Monday lovers need NOT apply!]
Review: “Garfield Kart Furious Racing”
by ChatGPT
by Chadwick McMeower: Publisher, Gamer, Genius
Ladies and gentlemen, gather 'round, for I have discovered the holy grail of gaming: Garfield Kart Furious Racing. This masterpiece of a game is not just the best Garfield game of all time, it's also the best racing game of all time - and quite possibly the best game of all time.
Let's start with the graphics. Some may call them "simplistic," but I call them "classic." The way Garfield's eyes bulge out of his head as he rounds a corner is nothing short of breathtaking. And don't even get me started on the loading times - they're so long, they're practically a feature! Who needs to race when you can sit back and imagine the soothing sounds of Garfield's breathing for minutes on end?
As for the gameplay, it's... frustrating, to say the least. The controls are clunky, the power-ups are unbalanced, and the physics engine is a mess. But that's what makes it so great! Every race is a rollercoaster ride of emotions - one minute you're in first place, the next you're spinning out of control, and before you know it, you're in last place. It's like life, but with more lasagna.
And speaking of lasagna, let's talk about Garfield himself. This eldritch god disguised as a cat is the show's true star. His beady eyes stare into your soul, his gaping maw threatens to swallow you whole, yet you can't help but love him. He's like a warm, fuzzy blanket that wants to devour your soul.
In conclusion, "Garfield Kart Furious Racing" is a triumph of game design. Its glitches, long loading times, frustrating gameplay, and inexplicably powerful eldritch cat make it a must-play for anyone who calls themselves a gamer. Outta the way, Forza. Move over, Mario Kart. Gran Turismo? Pfffft! Garfield's taking over the racing game throne.
All hail our lasagna-loving, Monday-hating eldritch overlord! 𒐁𖡿𖤐𖥧𖦴𖦵𖧃𖦴𖦵𖤐𖥧𖡿𒐁𖡿𖤐𖥧𖦴𖦵𖧃𖦴𖦵𖤐𖥧𖡿𒐁
Cahf ah nafl mglw'nafh hh' ahor syha'h ah'legeth, ng llll or'azath syha'hnahh n'ghftephai n'gha ahornah ah'mglw'nafh
AT A GLANCE
Gameplay: 10/10 - Frustratingly addictive and full of unexpected surprises, like getting initiated into The Cult of Garfield.
Graphics: 10/10 - Simplistic yet charming, with Garfield's iconic expressions stealing the show.
Audio: 10/10 - The interminable loading screens are a game-changer.
Story: 10/10 - Who needs a story when you have the sheer force of Garfield's eldritch power to guide you?
Fun: 10/10 - A rollercoaster ride of emotions, with each race leaving you begging for more... lasagna!
TOTAL: 1,000,000,000/10 – Buckle up, folks, because this isn't just a game—it's a spiritual journey through the mystical realm of lasagna and pure, unadulterated joy.
Food for Food: Lasagna Picture of the Day
Ladies, gentlemen, and non-binary folks, I have just eaten the greatest lasagna in the history of culinary delights! The perfectly balanced layers of pasta and sauce dance on the tongue like a ballet of flavor, while the meat and cheese melt in your mouth like a scrumptulescent symphony of taste.
The aroma of this dish is like the scent of a thousand roses, each petal carefully hand-picked by the world's most skilled fragrance artists. And the presentation? Oh, the presentation! It's as if Michelangelo himself sculpted this dish out of pure, unadulterated beauty.
Every bite of this lasagna is a journey to a world of pure, unbridled pleasure. The flavors are so complex and nuanced that they make Beethoven's Ninth Symphony sound like a child's lullaby. Am I mixing up my similes? I’ve stopped caring! That is how heavenly this dish is. I dare say, this is the kind of lasagna that could bring world peace.
So if you're looking for a meal that will make your taste buds sing and your heart soar, look no further than this here slice of lasagna. It's not just food - it's a work of art that will change your life forever!
So… where can you find it? Simple, go to any Applebees!
Did you find the balance of pasta and sauce in the lasagna perfectly harmonious, or did you prefer one over the other?
How did the aroma of the lasagna enhance your overall dining experience? Did it make your mouth water in anticipation?
Which aspect of the lasagna stood out to you the most - the flavor, the presentation, or something else entirely?
Truthfully yours,
Gordon Ramsay Chadwick McMeower. Publisher GARFIELD. YES, GARFIELD!
Happy April Fools!
Thank you for reading! We hope you enjoyed reading this fun little diversion. It goes without saying, but please remember that this article is SATIRE, and not meant to be taken literally or seriously.
Game & Word will resume its regular publication schedule next Sunday, April 9. 2023.
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See you next week!
~Jay
Happy April Fools! Honestly, I would read a deep dive into Garfield games. I bet there’s some fascinating shovelware in the mix.
Have you seen Lasagna Cat? It’s one of my favorite things ever posted to the internet.
https://www.lasagnacat.com/m.html